Monty Python's Flying Circus

And now, for something completely different. . .
My hovercraft is full of eels.
- From the "Dirty Hungarian Phrasebook" Sketch
I object to all this sex on television. I mean, I keep falling off.
- as an English housewife
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
I wish to register a complaint
- The beginning of the infamous Dead Parrot sketch.
Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
- Explanation for Parrot's lack of responsiveness
It's not pining, it's passed on. This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot.
Customer: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.

Shopkeeper: Right-O, sir.

Customer: What a senseless waste of human life.

end of the Cheeseshop sketch

I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah."

But you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe ya'.

End of "Four Yorkshiremen" sketch
Eh? know what I mean? Know what I mean? Nudge, nudge! Know what I mean? Say no more!
A wink is as good as a nod to a blind bat, I always say, I Always Say!
- from "Nudge, nudge"
Rule Six, there is NO Rule Six. Rule Seven, no pooftas!!
- from the Bruce sketch
Why is American beer like making love in a canoe?

'Cause it's fucking close to water!

An aside in the Bruce sketch from
We use only the finest baby frogs, dew picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope and lovingly frosted with glucose.
- from Crunchy Frog sketch
Well there's rat cake ... rat sorbet... rat pudding... or strawberry tart.

Man: Strawberry tart?!

Woman: Well it's got some rat in it.

Man: How much?

Woman: Three, rather a lot really.

Man: ... well, I'll have a slice without so much rat in it.

from Dead Bishop sketch

The great advantage of the tiger in unarmed combat is that he eats not only the fruit-laden foe but also the redcurrants.

from "Self-defense against Fruit"

In 1945, peace broke out.

from the "The Funniest Joke in the World" sketch

Wife: Have you got anything without SPAM?
Waitress: Well, there's SPAM egg sausage and SPAM, that's not got much SPAM in it.
Wife: I don't want any SPAM!
Man: Why can't she have egg bacon SPAM and sausage?
Wife: That's got SPAM in it!
Man: Hasn't got as much SPAM in it as SPAM egg sausage and SPAM, has it?
Vikings: SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM... Lovely SPAM! Wonderful SPAM!

The infamous Monty Python SPAM skit (, , and , and Vikings) which was the inspiration for use of the word SPAM for junk advertising on the internet.- Wikipedia article; WAV sound file of the SPAM chorus

René Descartes was a drunk old fart
I drink, therefore I am.

From the Philosophers' Song

Mrs. O: [reading her horoscope] You have green, scaly skin, and a soft yellow underbelly with a series of fin-like ridges running down your spine and tail. Although lizardlike in shape, you can grow anything up to thirty feet in length with huge teeth that can bite off great rocks and trees. You inhabit arid subtropical zones, and you wear spectacles.
Mrs. Trepidatious: It's very good about the spectacles.
Mrs. O: It's amazing!

"What the Stars Foretell", episode 37

"Why is it the world never remembered the name of Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfernschplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwurstle-gerspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shoenendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm?"

Graham Chapman (announcer): Tarquin Fintim-Limbim-Whimbim-Lim Bus Stop-F'Tang-F'Tang-Olé-Biscuit-Barrel.
Political Newscaster: Silly Party.

From Election Night sketch. Michael Palin represents the Silly Party, while wearing a complete clown suit and a silly open-mouthed grin

Yes, well, that's the sort of philistine pig ignorance I have come to expect from you non-creative garbage. You sit there on your spotty behinds, picking black heads and not giving a tinker's cuss for us struggling artists. You and your 19 inch color television sets and your Tony Jackal golf clubs. You excrement, you whining hypocritical toady. Yes, well, I wouldn't join the Free Masons if you got down on your bloody knees and begged me.

Monty Python's Flying Circus

See also