M*A*S*H (TV series)

• Hawkeye Pierce, looking for maps of the minefield: "Why aren't they under 'M'?"
  Radar O'Reilly: "Because they're under 'B' for 'boom'."

• Hawkeye Pierce: "I'd like a dry martini, Mr. Quoc, a very dry martini. A very dry, arid, barren, desiccated, veritable dustbowl of a martini. I want a martini that could be declared a disaster area. Mix me just such a martini."

• Hawkeye Pierce: "I will not carry a gun, Frank. When I got thrown into this war I had a clear understanding with the Pentagon: no guns. I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I'll even 'hari-kari' if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun!"

• Hawkeye Pierce, to B.J. Hunnicutt, who is reading "Medical Dialogue" at six in the morning: "I'll save you the trouble, I know how it ends: Peter Pancreas marries the princess... Pelvis. They have a couple of kidneys, and they all liver happily ever after."

Lieutenent Colonel Henry B. Blake

• Lt. Colonel Henry Blake: Radar, are you gonna end up owning my house?

Corporal Walter O'Reilly (?)

• Someone, possibly Radar: "Another day in the ROK (pronounced ar-oh-kay, stands for Republic of Korea)."

Corporal/Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger

• Maxwell Klinger: "How did you know I was lying?"
  Colonel Potter: "Because, everytime you lie your nose gets smaller."

• Colonel Potter: "Klinger, you have no brothers."
  Maxwell Klinger: "Whoever said that was lying."
  Colonel Potter: "You said that!"
  Maxwell Klinger: "Right, I was lying."

Major Frank M. Burns

• Frank Burns: "Hello? Lorraine, it's me, Frank."
  Radar O'Reilly (whispering to Frank): "Frank Burns."
  Frank Burns (to Lorraine): "Frank Burns!"

• Margaret Houlihan: War horse?! Army mule?!
  Frank Burns: Margaret!
  Margaret Houlihan : Zip it!

South Koreans

• South Korean surgeon: You mean the old Ferret Face?
  Hawkeye Pierce: You know him?
  South Korean surgeon: He operated on a few of my men. They were lucky. They survived.

• South Koreans with limited English (in unison): Frank Burns eats worms.

• South Koreans with limited English (in unison): You tell him, Ferret Face.

• Ho-Jon: I have 300 dollars now.
  Hawkeye Pierce: Well, he's been saving up what little he had... and stealing from my poker winnings!

External links