Aaron Allston

• "This would not be a problem if I were driving a snowplow."

• "The analysis of the thing is not the thing itself."

• "The difference between tragedy and comedy: Tragedy is something awful happening to somebody else, while comedy is something awful happening to somebody else."

• "The good thing about being Dr. Frankenstein is that you can always make new friends."

• "Luck consists largely of hanging on by your fingernails until things start to go your way."

• "I'm content to stand on tradition. I'm even more content to wipe my feet on it."

• "If you hack the Vatican server, have you tampered in God's domain?"

• "Feminism is sort of like God. Many people profess to believe in it, but no one seems to be able to define it to everyone's satisfaction."

• "A scream queen is an actress who eeks out a living."

• "Any sufficiently badly-written science is indistinguishable from magic." (aka Allston's Corollary to Clarke's Law)

• "There are two types of people in the world, and I'm one of them."

• "No one pays me to be nice."

• "When all else fails, complicate matters."

• "Violence is the first refuge of the violent."

• "The way to a man's heart is through his chest."

• "Where can I get some tat? I'd like to trade it in."

• "The principle of Sturgeon's Razor states that the simplest answer to any problem is 90% crap."

• "Definition of 'Free': You pay for it whether or not you elect to receive it."

• "Ennui and lethargy are waging a war inside me."

• "I really can't complain about actresses who get paid to be dumb. Most of us can't get paid to be smart."

• "Lawyers are the first refuge of the incompetent."

• "Life is like an analogy."

• "The chief difference between horror fans and science fiction fans lies in why they won't walk backwards. A horror fan won't walk backwards because he knows he'll be knifed by a madman. A science fiction fan won't walk backwards because he knows he'll step on the cat."